DEALING WITH GAMEPLAYERS


     Getting to Yes has become a classic guide to successful negotiating
since its publication in 1981.  A few years ago, co-author William Ury
wrote a worthwhile follow-up, Getting Past No (Bantam, 1991).  The
more recent book is full of sound advice about using positive
negotiating principles to deal with difficult people.

     How do you proceed when your opponent plays tricks, uses
ultimatums, or refuses to budge from a position?  Consider Ury's
approach.

STEP 1: DON'T REACT.

     It's easy to get angry or frustrated in the middle of a difficult
negotiation.  As a result, we normally do one of three ineffective
things:

	1.	Strike back.  Getting angry and striking back tend to
escalate tensions, rather than leading to the settlement you want.

	2.	Give in.  Settling simply to remove the discomfort of
negotiating doesn't get you a good deal, and it leaves you in a weak
position for the future.
	
	3.	Walk away.  Ceasing negotiations may be appropriate when you have a
more attractive alternative available--but if that were the case, you
probably wouldn't be negotiating in the first place.

     The following tips can help you improve your relationship with
your opponent so you can reach a better settlement.

Go to the balcony.

     Instead of striking back, giving in, or walking away, Ury suggests
you take a strategic break.  He calls this technique "going to the
balcony"--a mental position from which you can view the action up
to the current point, regain your composure, and plan on positive
actions to take from here.  You can go to the balcony by a number of
routes:

Pause and say nothing.

     Even a brief silence gives you time to collect your thoughts.  And
if your opponent begins to wonder what you're thinking about, she
may respond more reasonably to an issue--simply to get the
conversation started again.

Rewind.

     If you sense that the negotiation has gotten out of
hand, back up.  Say something like, "Let me make sure I understand
what you're saying."
	
Remove yourself.

     If you feel yourself reacting negatively, or you're simply
uncertain about your next move, excuse yourself.  Get a drink of
water.  Or get a piece of information your opponent asked
for earlier.

Name the game.

     You can break the power of unfair tactics by identifying them and
turning them in more positive directions.  Most negative tactics fall
into one of three categories:

	The stonewall.

	Your opponent refuses to budge, using some variation on "Take
it or leave it."

     	Deal with a stonewall by ignoring it at first.  If your opponent
is serious, he'll repeat the demand.  If he does, view the stonewall as
an aspiration: "I agree it would be nice to finish negotiations by your
deadline of 5 o'clock.  Let's turn our energies to working out a
mutually acceptable decision."

	The attack.

	Your opponent either attacks your credibility ("You haven't
been in this job long enough to know how things really work") or
your proposal ("Your figures are out of line").

	Don't take attacks personally.  Deflect them in a way that
encourages negotiation.  For example, "In your experience, how do
things work?"

	The trick.

	Some negotiators will play tricks, like giving you false
information or trying to add concessions from you after you've
already negotiated the deal.

	If you suspect a trick is being played, ask questions to defuse
it.  Clarify what your opponent is trying to achieve, or re-establish
ground rules.  For example, if an opponent tries to add on
concessions, ask if she wants to renegotiate the entire settlement or
stick to the points you've already worked out.


STEP 2: DISARM YOUR OPPONENT.

     The best way to get your opponent to drop his negotiating
weapons is to catch him by surprise.  And the biggest surprise you
can give most difficult people is actually listening to their point of
view.

     Ask your opponent, "How do you see the situation?"  Then let her
speak without arguing.  You may not agree, but you can offer such
encouragement as, "I understand what you're saying."

     Acknowledge the other person's feelings, too.  Suppose an
employee rushed into your office and said, "I just found out
Oglethorpe makes $2,000 a year more than I do for doing the same
work.  I'm sick of being cheated around here--I quit!"

     Rather than explaining the salary structure immediately, say
something like, "You think you're being cheated.  If I were in your
shoes, I'd feel angry, too."

	Your acknowledgment is likely to prompt the employee to ask,
"So what gives?"--and you can start reaching agreement by
answering that question.


STEP 3: CHANGE THE GAME.

     Once you've disarmed your opponent, you can turn your attention
to the practical aspect of negotiation.  Try to draw her into a
discussion of mutual interests and problem-solving.

     Questions are the best way to achieve that goal:

	"Why do you want that?"  Get behind your opponent's stated
position by requesting clarification on the reasons for it.

	"How does the approach I've suggested not meet your needs?"
Give your opponent a chance to reveal his interests through his
criticisms of the plan you've put forward.

	"What if we . . . ."  Propose a variety of plans, and see how your
opponent responds to each.

     Other questioning tactics include presenting what you think are
the opponent's interests and asking if you've got them right.  Or, if
you think your opponent is acting very one-sidedly, say, "Here's
what I'm trying to accomplish.  Can you show me how your proposal
helps me do that?"

     After you ask a probing question, stop talking.  A strategic silence,
giving both sides time to think, can be the key to reaching
agreement.

Does that help? YES or NO